The Mythology Of Limiting Beliefs: How To Stop Buying In To B.S.
Limiting beliefs are lies that sound convincingly truthful. These beliefs draw on our deepest fears and insecurities with loud persistent statements. Statements like “I am not good enough. I don’t have enough money. I am not smart enough. It is what it is. I can’t.” etcetera.
Limiting beliefs are very difficult, because they tend to be well reasoned arguments against growth and they often use truth in a deceitful way to argue a point. For example, when you have had a brain injury it IS a difficult situation. In the first several months to a year, persons who experience that first surge of healing tend to have a growth mindset that squashes limiting beliefs. They use a lot of powerful words like “yet” and verbs with “ing” such as “trying” “working” “moving” “reaching”. I can always tell when patients are about to take up residence on the limiting beliefs plateau, because their language changes. I hear less action verbs and more verbs of being. Everything turns to grey and my least favorite phrase takes over “it IS what it IS.”
What does that even mean? Of course it is what it is, but what is it?! It is much easier for me to explain what it IS NOT. Recovery and the post brain injury experience is not linear, passive, or predictable. In medicine, we move from symptoms to diagnosis to prognosis. Brain injury is very uncomfortable in this model in that it doesn’t really fit or suit this model in any capacity. Spinal cord injuries have a prognosis. Broken arms have a clear beginning and end healing time. Broken brains are very dependent on a holistic systems model meaning that a person’s environment, social support, level of education, resilience, and openness to change more clearly reflect a patient’s ability to heal than the severity of injury or years post injury.
In my experience, working with thousands of brain injury survivors, limiting beliefs are the most accurate predictor of a person’s success or failure. Hence, it is really important to define them and challenge them.
There are thousands of examples of limiting beliefs, but one I hear commonly is centered around time. Common limiting beliefs I hear are “It has been two years, so I am not going to heal anymore” or “I thought I would be back to normal by six months.” I want to scream based on “WHAT?” and “cite your sources?!” I know where it comes from, but being in the room with limiting beliefs controlling the conversation makes me incredibly frustrated. I can talk until I am blue in the face, but if you are deep into your limiting belief, you will not hear me.
Also, I cannot define your limiting belief or help you challenge it. This is all internal work that you must do before attempting to change.
Its easiest to name your goal and then name barriers. Inside those barriers you will find your limiting beliefs. Here are three steps to limiting and challenging your Limiting Beliefs.
Write down three of your limiting beliefs based on common thoughts that you think.
Write down what you would do if you did not have these beliefs.
Example:Bob has no sensation in his hand three years post stroke. This bothers him a lot, especially when he is cooking because he has to be really careful with sharp objects.
Bob’s three limiting beliefs:
Thought: It has been three years and I am not in therapy any more. (Limiting Belief: I cannot heal on my own or after a certain amount of time).
Thought: I just need to accept where I am at. (Limiting Belief: Acceptance means that I cannot grow anymore.)
Thought: There is nothing I can do. I have done everything. (Limiting Belief that education, therapy, treatment is stagnant and occurs only directly after injury.)
What would Bob do? When free from these limiting beliefs, he would start a new sensory regimen. He would use that new energy to read about sensory loss post brain injury and find himself reading blog posts by a plucky young OT. Then he would begin doing daily bean baths and desensitization programs.
Essentially Bob would have the freedom to explore the limits of his hand without the angst. This is what I want for you. This is what you deserve. Identify your limiting beliefs today call them out for lying to you and break up with them. You will be lighter, freer, and more authentically you without them.
